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Eve decides to enter her band, Bloodmonkey, into Britain's Got Talent. They're not very good. But thanks to a misunderstanding, Simon Cowell thinks her parents are dead, and the sympathy vote looks like it might propel her all the way to the final (where she'll be up against an asthmatic girl in a wheelchair who plays the violin). Meanwhile, Edgar and Wendy go away for their anniversary, but unknown to them their eldest son Dusty has stowed away as a surprise. And Ken attempts to rekindle an old romance with Her Majesty the Queen – invoking jealousy of Squidge.

Edgar shows his true colors by running away and leaving his family for dead during a break-in at the house. Their neighbor Johannes, who has designs on Wendy, saves the day. Shamed, Edgar resolves to man up and goes to his local gym, but decides taking steroids will be quicker and easier. Meanwhile Jason goes traveling in Thailand to find himself and meets someone who looks exactly like him. And Eve accidentally summons the spirits of two great women to guide her with a Ouija board.